As is customary for Ted Was Here today we will be doing yet another public service announcement. Recently I spent unhealthy amounts of time in a car and like many truck drivers I put on seventy five pounds and cannot eat food now unless it is deep fried. So as I was nibbling on some deep fried lard cakes and chugging down some deep fried Mountain Dew my companions and I noticed that there are certain things in the country that each house has. Without anyway to name it I started by drooling on the steering wheel to signify what I was seeing. Then, as if God Himself was grossed out by my fat rolls covered with oral cavity slime, it rolled off my tongue: Country Bling. It is what every self respecting country person must have much like every conceited rapper… I mean self respecting rapper needs to have bling. Here is a list of Country Bling.

- Dilapidated sheds. New ones are for city folk.

- A row of cars sitting out behind the barn that defy nature and will not age.

- A rocker or swing on the front sport for the cats.

- An old rusty tractor parked as close to the road as it can get.

- Rust in general. Anything covered in rust is good.

- A Camero, preferably from the 70s, parted out almost completely, leaving only the frame.

- A propane tank. The bigger, the better and silver. If it’s not silver, paint it.

- A museum of the history of farm equipment in your side yard almost wholly swollowed by grass.