Conventioning Season

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It’s that time of the year when the scent of pundit fills the air and a young mans fancy turns to thoughts of Conventioning. The swarms of ravenous crowds, giving standing ovations to orators that share their viewpoints. Red, White and Blue smeared across everyone and everything with hap hazardous contempt. Various appearances by outspoken and under informed celebrities. Yes, my friends, this is a glorious time.

Here are a couple of things to look forward to during this Conventioning season.

1.) Hillary Clinton will perform a hostile take over of Barack Obama’s campaign declaring herself his campaign chair and wearing a Jackie Kennedy style pink dress suit.
2.) Milton Bradley will be releasing it’s National Convention Board Game, complete with obnoxious applause simulator.
3.) John McCain will unveil his new robotic body that is younger and more hip than Barack Obama could ever be!
4.) Reverend Jeremiah Wright will release his new book entitled “A Pulpit and a Prejudice”. It will sell millions.
5.) JFK will rise from the grave to run on the Green Party Ticket with his VP being Paul Wellstone.
6.) The one hour Oprah Winfrey show will have a daily 2 hour special on Barack Obama during every show.
7.) Kentucky will succeed from the Union and then rejoin without anyone knowing.
8.) Thousands of reporters will descend on the two cities where the conventions are to be help with thousands of politicians in toe but Pharaoh will still not free the Israelites.
9.) The metropolises of Denver and the Twin Cities will hit an all time high in commute time and suicide rates.
10.) Gasoline prices will soar and consumption will plummet.
11.) Carrot Top will mysteriously appear and perform a completely humorless set on an HBO special.
12.) Michael Moore will announce his new movie “Why I am Right and Everyone Else is Wrong.” It will gross somewhere around 20 billion dollars despite no one having seen it.

So get out there and enjoy this years Conventioning Season. It promises to be entertaining to the max.


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Have you ever wanted killer pictures of earth from outerspace and been unable to get the clearence to go to space and get your own. Nasa has finally come out with their collection of images called Visible Earth. Here are a couple of my favorites.


Current writing projects

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The Thrones of Churn - The big one. This is my first attempt at the epic novel. I have 230 pages written in my book and have started putting some of it into the computer.

The Suicide Pact - A short story that I started a while ago. Great twist at the end and I am learning to write more in the first person. So far about 5 pages.

Nova - My Super-Hero story. Started it a couple of days ago. Got 8 typed pages. Haven't reread it yet so the whole thing could be garbage but I feel pretty good about it.

Glimpse of Eternity - 170ish pages. Not finished. Started it years ago and got hung up on a spot. My writing has progressed since then. Will revisit when I have time. About 30 pages typed.

For Love: The Black Knight's Tale - Premise started and about 5 pages. I know most of what I want to do with this story but don't have time to work on it right now.

The Man on the Mountain - My version of Post-Camolot. Interesting premise and about 15 pages of written material. Basically had to take the back seat for Thrones of Churn. Really want to do this book eventually.

I haven't been writing much in this blog recently because I have been working on the top 3 listed above. Hope to have something to so by next spring. Most likely the Suicide Pact.

Signs That it’s Friday

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Gnomes frolic in the meadows.

Minnesota DOT closes all the major bypasses and highways in the state.

The sun shines down on all of us with warmth that beacons us outside.

Min DOT closes 80% of all the remaining roads in the state to everyone but Domino’s drivers.

There is another great movie in the theaters.

Happiness flows out of the skies.

The flowers bloom and deer come up to the highways and offer their flesh as a sacrifice to our joy.

Minnesota DOT closes the remainder of the roads.

Cheese is handed out by the mail man.

Minnesota DOT closes down the hall to you bathroom.

It comes.

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How do you tell a man that he is going to die? How do you let him in on the fact that his greatest fear, however foolish, is going to get the best of him? How do you let him know that it is going to be painful, that there will be regret and remorse? That he will scream from pain and cry more fiercely that he remembers having done before?

I know the words. I have said them before. I have whispered them to myself in dire situations time and time again. But then they were lies. Now they are bitter to say to someone else and I would not bear such news.

I don’t feel like breaking the heart of an individual that has told himself time and time again he is strong but fears something that he cannot avoid. Perhaps I haven’t the heart to break the reality he created from himself, however fake and frail it is. Why me?

Why do I have to be the one to crush the glass pillar he built his life upon and expose him for the weak creature he is? What a cruel fate and what a cruel gift.

But I will be strong because I am. I will hold my own against the pressure and withstand the ebb and flow. I will be what he cannot be and what he has convinced himself he is.

My chest will bear his blows. My fists will break his will. My words will punish his pride and fell his facade. Then, when the task is done I shall know my own purpose; to tell that which cannot be told to those who would not hear it.

Oh mighty man a frailty your lies have made you. Time they greatest friend and mortal enemy. Fear not its grasp for there is nothing you can do to be released from it. Death, it comes.

Fear This

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I have no use for second place. Bronze and Silver taste bitter to me. There is first and then there is failure. I regret only those who regret. I fail to fail. I am the drive that you wish you had, the lessons that you need to learn. I am hope even when hope has faded. I am perseverance. I am diligence. I am your fear and your idol. I am… Grandpa.
Oh, I got some candy for you!

Tickles! Hey everyone it the lovable adorable and mischievous Tickles the beer guzzling otter! He isn’t going to share his Bud Light but he isn’t against you giving him a little tickle under his arm. After all his name is Tickles!

Tickles loves happiness, fun times and homeland security. That is why he is the only Spokes-imal that has a tattoo of the American Flag on his tiny little, adorable shoulder.

But don’t let the fact that he is insanely cute fool you. He can hold his own in any kind of scrap. But he avoids fighting, unless it is against terrorist and people who try to harm Americans, because it makes him put down his favorite, refreshing beverage to battle both the crazy warmth of summer and the blistering cold of winter.

Way to go Tickles!

Things you may not have known about me.

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I am addicted to all forms of cheese except cottage cheese. I won't even touch that stuff.

I have a tart burner and like to have the smell of apples wafting through the air.

I wear a size 13 shoe.

I have nasal hair that is already protruding from my nostrals and I am not even 70 yet.

I clean my ears out with paper clips.

I have an extremely low attention span.

I like shinny objects.

I only loose on account of villany.

I am 26 years old.

I had a dog growing up named Huppy after the puppy in the book A Cricket in Time Square.

I own the Godfather DVD set.

I have driven a 61 Corvette convertable.

I used to rep at 1200 lbs on the hip sled.

I am allergic to mold, dust, dander and pollen... basically the state of Minnesota.

I have an 18 1/2" neck.

I like to be complemented on my tea.

I have all of my fingers and toes still attached.

Picture Story from the Cabin

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You weren't invited to the cabin this year so I thought I would put up some pictures so that it seemed like you were there.
Do you remember when the game of Bocce Ball was being played. Didn't those guys make funny throwing motions.
Everybody else was throwing for the yellow ball but Adam wanted to kill that red tent!
It was uncomfortable when we had to ask Adam to stop throwing balls at Leroy & Krista's tent.
Peter still doesn't know whey people were throwing balls at him. Then he stormed off for like two hours and didn't want to talk about it. Yeah... that part was weird.
Wasn't it fun when we played tag with the various cans of bug related toxins. I still cannot see out of my right eye!
I didn't even know that Todd was there.
So true man. (Tear)
I enjoyed writing and the amazing senary.
Look! Verbs!
I cannot for the life of me figure out why we go here every year? Maybe its because Todd is there.
Adam brought his canoe and enough water to fill the quarry out back of the cabin. Those miners are not going to be happy when they come back to work.
This is a picture of my new best friend Harold.
Here are some people playing the bean game! Let me know if you have any Stink Beans! Ha Ha Ha, but seriously if you do, let me know.
See you next year!

1 year

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Did you notice? Did you remember that today is August 1st? One year ago today a tragedy fell on us along with a bridge. The sights and sounds linger. The emotions still as familiar today as they were the day after.

I still plan my speeding escape from every bridge I drive on. I still look at the steel with a new found skepticism wondering if this bridge can hold out for a little bit longer.

Chances are that you have forgotten. It’s okay. We don’t have nearly the memory we like to think that we do but for the people effected directly by that day it stands triumphantly still looming in our consciousness.

We went from this…

To almost this in just under a year.

I don’t think that people are going to be fond of the entire University of Minnesota campus being leveled and the few remaining trees being bleached to match the bridge but Min DOT knows what it’s doing… right?



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