When is the last time you attempted to slaughter a bald eagle in the name of the king? Try it. Go ahead. I will wait until you get back.

See, you cannot even do that anymore. You get close to one of those suckers with a gun or machete and people just claim over each other to judge you and your heathen ritual practices.

So what if I want to take the entrails of a gopher and smear them onto the sidewalk outside a Denny’s? The star pattern with a crescent moon and a bird are signs of respect and prosperity for everyone, well except the gopher of course.

It shouldn’t bother anyone that I slit the neck of a live elephant and climb into the stomach only to cut my way out of the abdomen as a sign of being born anew and washed with the blood of the power animal. Why is it then, that every time I do this, do people get upset?

I don’t complain when women breast-feed in public! Or the way fat guys wear wife beaters and tight pants. It’s disgusting to me but I don’t get upset about it. I allow for other cultures to express their beliefs in whatever way they deem appropriate. I just kill rare animals to express mine.

I clean up after myself, which is more than I can say for the rest of the neighborhood.