Yesterday announced the beginning of one of the most wonderful times of the year. There are only 3 to 4 times a year where this is applicable. The days following both Valentines Day and Halloween are the other two notables.
Yesterday was the first day of the post-holiday candy blowout sales. You can get you hands on candy at near bargain basement prices. I thought I would walk you through some dos and don’ts of this special time of the year.
The Speckled Malt Eggs
This are a must avoid candy. They have the texture and taste of pine cones that have been smothered in bear feces. I don’t care how cheap they are selling them for do not buy them.
The Candy Sugar Legos
Now buying these provides minutes of fun and 13 seconds of a sugar rush that could put you into the hospital. It is not recommended that you buy more than one bag of these. Otherwise you will have to throw one and a half bags away. You should be able to get a large bag of these for under 50 cents. Just wait until they drop the price down to the “if you don’t buy them, homeless people will” price range. If you are worried about them going bad, don’t. They have no discernable expiration date.
Sand People
Sand People are horrible Easter Candy. Even if they are giving them away don’t take any. If you do you will regret it!
The Chocolate Bunny
A classic Easter staple, this is the can’t go wrong choice for Easter candy. The only down side is that it takes the average person 3.23 years to consume a 16 ounce chocolate bunny. Just something to consider before you load your cart up with this treat.
Marshmallow Peep
Despite persistent beliefs, this is not actually a candy. Originally, scientists at Cal-Tech were searching for a new cushioning material for the space shuttle when they happened upon this gross sugary product. They sold it as an interesting toy, much like the smoke snakes that you can get at the local firecracker stand. Unfortunately, President Regan ate one on national television and the nation embraced the peep as a candy item.
Religious Candy
Now religious candy seems like the natural progression of the mixture of pagan retiuals and religious holidays but you need to avoid the mixture of the two. Imagine how hard it will be to explain to your child how the Easter bunny fits into the resurrection story. Best to leave the two separate.
Reese’s Easter Egg
The holy grail of Easter candy. Buy as many as you can afford. You won’t regret it.
Yesterday was the first day of the post-holiday candy blowout sales. You can get you hands on candy at near bargain basement prices. I thought I would walk you through some dos and don’ts of this special time of the year.
The Speckled Malt Eggs
This are a must avoid candy. They have the texture and taste of pine cones that have been smothered in bear feces. I don’t care how cheap they are selling them for do not buy them.The Candy Sugar Legos
Now buying these provides minutes of fun and 13 seconds of a sugar rush that could put you into the hospital. It is not recommended that you buy more than one bag of these. Otherwise you will have to throw one and a half bags away. You should be able to get a large bag of these for under 50 cents. Just wait until they drop the price down to the “if you don’t buy them, homeless people will” price range. If you are worried about them going bad, don’t. They have no discernable expiration date.Sand People
Sand People are horrible Easter Candy. Even if they are giving them away don’t take any. If you do you will regret it!The Chocolate Bunny
A classic Easter staple, this is the can’t go wrong choice for Easter candy. The only down side is that it takes the average person 3.23 years to consume a 16 ounce chocolate bunny. Just something to consider before you load your cart up with this treat.Marshmallow Peep
Despite persistent beliefs, this is not actually a candy. Originally, scientists at Cal-Tech were searching for a new cushioning material for the space shuttle when they happened upon this gross sugary product. They sold it as an interesting toy, much like the smoke snakes that you can get at the local firecracker stand. Unfortunately, President Regan ate one on national television and the nation embraced the peep as a candy item.Religious Candy
Now religious candy seems like the natural progression of the mixture of pagan retiuals and religious holidays but you need to avoid the mixture of the two. Imagine how hard it will be to explain to your child how the Easter bunny fits into the resurrection story. Best to leave the two separate.Reese’s Easter Egg
The holy grail of Easter candy. Buy as many as you can afford. You won’t regret it.6 Responses to “Most Wonderful Time of the Year”
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I've neer seen the legos or resurrection candy.
What's up with the last peep in the box? Is that the one President Reagan but into 25 years ago? Or did it just fall over from the sugary farts of the other peeps?
It doesn't want it's picture taken. As for the legos and crucifix candy, well you have to shop at the hardcore candy places to find that sort of treat.
After reading this post, I went to Target and took your Reese's Easter Egg advice.
and it payed off huge... didn't it?!
you bet it did! That'll be paying off for a few weeks yet.
God bless us, every one.