A story of heartache

Published Thursday, March 22, 2007 by Ted | E-mail this post

I am not feeling funny today. Not in the slightest. I had some old pains stirred up and apparently I haven’t dealt with them yet because they are as fresh as the day I got them. I will tell you the story, but I ask you to remember that I can only tell my side of the story. I cannot relate what she was feeling or thinking. Only my thoughts, hopes and eventual pain.

When I went to college at Bethel I meet and started pursing a lovely young gal, we will call her Condoleezza Rice. While I was pursuing Ms. Rice I found out that a “friend” of mine was interested in her as well. I already wanted to be with her so I continued to pursue her.

Right before Christmas break she agreed to date me. This was my first relationship and naturally I went completely head over heals for her. She was beautiful and fun.

At the end of my first year at Bethel I realized I wouldn’t be coming back to school there probably ever again, but Ms. Rice and I continued to date. She flew down to visit me and I drove up to visit her on many occasions. This friend was always hanging out with us and wanted to date Ms. Rice’s girlfriend roommate at one time (she was a very pretty and intelligent young woman).

I promised to come up to visit her on her birthday. I was packed and leaving school when a librarian with wooden teeth (or so they appeared to be) blew a stop sign and t-boned my car. It was destroyed and I went to the hospital with back pain. She was crushed. I was in pain. I am not completely sure but I think that this was the turning point.

This “friend” who like Ms. Rice from the beginning writes her a very long letter explaining why she should leave me for him. Ms. Rice emails me the letter and says that there is nothing to worry about. I wanted to come up and dish out some “leave my gal alone” but she asks me not to, tells me I have nothing to worry about and I comply with her wishes. (If you cannot see this coming you are as dense as I was)

I went up to visit her for Christmas. We spent all of our time together and I thought things were going well. In hindsight she was very distant sometimes. I perceived it to be her lost in thought. She didn’t want to talk about it.

Valentines day is rapidly approaching and I am starting to make plans to ask Ms. Rice to marry me. I am picking out a 96 silver Ford Mustang convertible (her favorite car) to put the ring into. The ring I was talking to a jeweler about having made. I had designed it for her.

Well its two day before Valentines Day and I am shopping for gifts. I go home and she calls. Something is wrong. She talks about her confusion and about wanting some space. She tells me its just a time out. I am crushed. I stay up all night crying with my family and go to work the next morning.

Over the next few weeks I am still devastated. I go to work, do what I need to, then go home and crawl under my bed, pushing boxes in front of me so I can hide. I cry for hours on end. I want to talk to my best friend, the person that I always talk to when things are wrong, but when I call Ms. Rice she says I am being unfair.

Finally I delete her number from my phone. I cannot bear this anymore. I begin to hate all women for being trite and shallow. I surmise that she left me because of the long distance relationship and because we couldn’t hold each other every day. I know it was part of the problem.

My dad gets a job up in Minnesota and I decide to move. I don’t know if it was because Ms. Rice was up there and I thought if we were close we could get back together. I am telling myself it is a sign from God. We move within 15 miles of Ms. Rice. There are other reasons for wanting to move.

I find out that Ms. Rice was going over to my “friend’s” place while we were still dating and they were spending a lot of time together and were even cuddling up together. That hurts. She cheated on me… by my standards at least.

I still hold out hope. I believe that she and I are destined to be together. That is until I find out she is going to marry my “friend”. They got engaged within 5 months of Ms. Rice breaking up with me. Yet, another dagger driven right through my heart. They were dating when we were. At least that is the way I see it.

I go over the whole thing with a guy who was mentoring me. We talk about the end and basically I should have seen it coming. But my heart didn’t want to believe it. That was the last time I thought about her until last night. I dreamt I saw her at a basketball game and we talked. It brought back this flood of pain.

I was talking with a buddy last night who was going thru a pretty rough stint. He was supposed to get married and she called it off. He lost a lot of money in the deal but I doubt very much that was the hard part. I think that is what dragged these feelings back out of me.

I am supposed to get married this fall. It will be 6 ½ years since Ms. Rice and I really want to make sure my past doesn’t affect my future with my gal.

I am not sure that is all I have to say on it but at least that is all I have to say now.

Labels: Something Real