So this weekend I was chilling by the pool, that is code for not sitting by a pool, when I received a certified letter from an attorney. Naturally I was quite put off. I Don’t know any attorneys and couldn’t think of any inheritance that I had coming. So I reluctantly signed for the letter and tore it open.

My left eye is divorcing me. Apparently this isn’t without precedent. Apparently, shortly after McCully Culkin divorced his parents, his acting ability divorced him. So I knew that this sort of thing was happen more and more often.

My eye is asking for a lot. It wants the projector, Xbox 360 and the Wii. Talk about a total load of garbage. But the worst blow of the whole thing I hadn’t yet seen.

The attorney’s office was Kodiak Bear Attorneys. Blasted bears are at it again! I know, they were laying so low that even I forgot about them and somehow they have managed to convince my left eye to abandon me!

It gets even worse. My left leg has been acting funny recently. We are at full mutiny alert here people. Next time you see me I could be half the man I used to be.