There is a website I frequent that sells outdoor exploration items for between 50 and 80 percent off. Today they are featuring a pear of gloves. I would like to give you the description of the gloves so that you can enjoy the mastery of the wording.

The POW Men's Stealth Gloves bring classic style, modern weatherproofing, and tough, supple goatskin together for premium hand comfort in piss-poor conditions. These under-the-cuff gloves have the performance to back up their unquestionably good looks, so you won't be cursing when the clouds open up and you're riding in six-inch-per-hour zero visibility. Goatskin leather has the paradoxical qualities of soft, buttery feel and super-durable resistance to abrasion, without being heavy or stiff in the cold. Underneath, the eVent waterproof breathable insert keeps your mitts dry as a bone, while Thinsulate insulation and a microfleece lining provide low-profile warmth all winter long even if you get them wet. You can make sweet love to these gloves and know that they will respect you in the morning.

Okay, so I added the last sentence but it followed the rest of the description. I think the person who wrote this piece has spent a little too much alone time with those gloves.