Would Like:

A Cheeseburger stand. I am open to what beverages they might serve but they better have hot and fresh cheeseburgers.

John Cleese. He is funny and British. My current phone has neither.

A nacho dispenser with pre-cheesed chips. I think all of have been on the phone listing to some one drone on about their flakey skin when we wished that we were eating delicious nachos. I know that I have been there.

An airbag style pillow, great for conversations with people who carry on the conversation without you but gets angry when you hang up.

A segway. I trip when I walk while talking on my cell phone.

Would Not Like:

A cat. Annoying allergen excretion machine… no thanks! The person on the other end of the phone thinks they are better than you already. No need to have something on this end that agrees.

A caramel ooze. It sounds good but think about what that would do to either your pocket or you purse.

Sean Penn and Tim Robbins. I like their acting but they would hijack the conversation to talk about children dying in Africa or some such total buzz-kill. If you can make a reasonable argument in a short amount of time and in the appropriate venue, fine. But lets face it. I am trying to fend off people dying here (I.E. Me and my wife). I am sorry but Africa has to wait for my donation.

A bear. Don’t let the meandering fuzzy hugger at the zoo fool you, these are Kodiak Killing Machines. If you got one of those close to you head it would be pretty hard for the bear not to have a taste.

Fran Dresher. If you hold her close to your head she causes cancer. That is what I heard anyway.