I had an interesting conversation yesterday with the lawn and thought that I would chronicle the conversation here for your enjoyment.
Me: I wish you didn’t grown so that way I would never have to mow you.
Lawn: Well that is pretty greedy on your part. Perhaps I wish you had never grown up so that way you wouldn’t care if I were long or not.
Me: Well, I think I would care because it is hard to play kickball on you when you are long and I liked kickball a lot when I was a kid.
Lawn: Oh, well you know I don’t really enjoy being cut. It is rather uncomfortable.
Me: Yeah? I always thought you were like hair or something and that you didn’t mind.
Lawn: So you think that your hair likes it when you get it cut?
Me: I honestly didn’t think it leaned either way on the subject.
Lawn: Something tells me that you are way off base on this one.
Hair: He is totally right on this one.
Me: Well, why didn’t you tell me or something.
Hair: Would you have not gotten you hair cut?
Me: Probably not… but there have been a couple of times that I have let you grown out!
Hair: Yeah, thanks for letting me taste the dream only to snatch it away.
Me: Man you are a bummer, dude.
Lawn: Don’t blame it on him. You did this to him you know.
Me: Yeah but I am the dude. He only lives on me.
Lawn: That is such a healthy attitude. Why don’t you treat your eyes like that?
Me: What?
Lawn: Yeah… that didn’t make much sense.
Me: You know that I have to cut you, right? I mean they have a law and everything.
Lawn: What about the law that says there should be no cruel and unusual punishement.
Me: Well it isn’t really unusual.
Lawn: But it is cruel.
Me: I am pretty sure that it was written in regards to humans thought. I don’t think they meant to include grass.
Lawn: That stinks. Hey since you are going to cut me can you get me some of that fertilizer from Scotts?
Me: Won’t that make you just grow back faster?
Lawn: I guess, but it would really make me look nicer and I have got my eye on that lawn across the road. She has been checking me out. I am thinking about growing over there.
Me: I am pretty sure that you don’t have eyes and did you really think that the city is going to just let you grow across the street.
Lawn: Dang it! I hate that city.
Me: Well, technically you are like a part of the city.
Lawn: I hate you.
Me: Yeah, that’s to bad. I was kinda warming up to you.
Lawn: I can’t really hate anything you know. I am made of friggen grass.
Me: I can see that. Well, I gotta get going. Work and all that.
Lawn: Good, get your fat feet off of me.
Me: What?
Lawn: Nothing. Have a good day dude.
Me: Yeah. Check you later.
Lawn: Friggin Moron.
Me: I wish you didn’t grown so that way I would never have to mow you.
Lawn: Well that is pretty greedy on your part. Perhaps I wish you had never grown up so that way you wouldn’t care if I were long or not.
Me: Well, I think I would care because it is hard to play kickball on you when you are long and I liked kickball a lot when I was a kid.
Lawn: Oh, well you know I don’t really enjoy being cut. It is rather uncomfortable.
Me: Yeah? I always thought you were like hair or something and that you didn’t mind.
Lawn: So you think that your hair likes it when you get it cut?
Me: I honestly didn’t think it leaned either way on the subject.
Lawn: Something tells me that you are way off base on this one.
Hair: He is totally right on this one.
Me: Well, why didn’t you tell me or something.
Hair: Would you have not gotten you hair cut?
Me: Probably not… but there have been a couple of times that I have let you grown out!
Hair: Yeah, thanks for letting me taste the dream only to snatch it away.
Me: Man you are a bummer, dude.
Lawn: Don’t blame it on him. You did this to him you know.
Me: Yeah but I am the dude. He only lives on me.
Lawn: That is such a healthy attitude. Why don’t you treat your eyes like that?
Me: What?
Lawn: Yeah… that didn’t make much sense.
Me: You know that I have to cut you, right? I mean they have a law and everything.
Lawn: What about the law that says there should be no cruel and unusual punishement.
Me: Well it isn’t really unusual.
Lawn: But it is cruel.
Me: I am pretty sure that it was written in regards to humans thought. I don’t think they meant to include grass.
Lawn: That stinks. Hey since you are going to cut me can you get me some of that fertilizer from Scotts?
Me: Won’t that make you just grow back faster?
Lawn: I guess, but it would really make me look nicer and I have got my eye on that lawn across the road. She has been checking me out. I am thinking about growing over there.
Me: I am pretty sure that you don’t have eyes and did you really think that the city is going to just let you grow across the street.
Lawn: Dang it! I hate that city.
Me: Well, technically you are like a part of the city.
Lawn: I hate you.
Me: Yeah, that’s to bad. I was kinda warming up to you.
Lawn: I can’t really hate anything you know. I am made of friggen grass.
Me: I can see that. Well, I gotta get going. Work and all that.
Lawn: Good, get your fat feet off of me.
Me: What?
Lawn: Nothing. Have a good day dude.
Me: Yeah. Check you later.
Lawn: Friggin Moron.
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This is why I do not have a lawn.