This is not a joke people. We are on Def-Con 5 Delta. This is an amber alert!
The car was stolen in Vernon, New Jersey where police confirmed the species that stole the car was in fact a bear. Hair on the scene was taken to the lab to confirm the suspicion.
Although the police do not have any bears in custody, they are telling citizens that they believe it to be an isolated incident.
Mary Stockers, a Vernon native, couldn’t believe the news when she heard it. “Why would a bear steal a car? There is no way they could fit behind the steering wheel, unless it was a small female black bear. Then it is not only plausible but probable.” Mary then left citing that she had to run to check on her car.
Officials say the bear only stole the car for a joy ride situation. The car was found nearby, some of the contents stolen and the front seat defecated upon.
“It was most likely some bear going after some food.” A Vernon police officer speculated. However, TWH has uncovered a secret society of young bears that dare each other to steal larger and more lucrative items each time they meet.
Watch out. Your children could be next, or you house!
6 Responses to “A Bear Stole a Car!”
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One time a bear stole my false teeth. And my toupee. I don't think he needed them. I think he was just mocking me.
BTW...were you in Reader's Digest last month?
Phase One...complete.
Roger,
What about Reader's Digest?
Bear,
I have my eyes on you!
Read this story. There was a picture of Sarah and Ted.
http://www.rd.com/content/the-heroes-of-the-minneapolis-bridge-collapse/1/
Sorry, Different Ted.
So there were 2 Ted's with girlfriends who fell with the bridge? I guess that's not out of the realm of possibility, unlike a bear letting you ride in the back seat after he steals your car.