Last year I hinted that I would like a new TV and a surround sound for Christmas. I got a pair of pajamas and some weird socks. I don’t want to tell you what to get me but apparently I have to.

Get me a surround sound system. I couldn’t wait for the TV so I bought myself one.

I swear on Christmas itself if you get me another pair of socks stuffed in a “World’s Best Dad” mug, I am going to loose it.

I will probably tear the Christmas tree apart in my teeth and grind the ornaments in my molars. I will not be pleased.

Then I will drink all the eggnog and eat the “Twas The Night Before Christmas” book that I bought a few years ago, sobbing bitterly and relieving myself on the dog.

Then I will fall asleep in the front yard and catch pneumonia. I will be sick for weeks and spend New Years and my birthday in the hospital.

No one wants that, so buy me the stupid surround sound system. It will be for the best.

Sincerely,
Adolf Grumbles
A.K.A. “World’s Greatest Dad”