There is a priceless and timeless pastime that has lost favor in the sight of the public in the past couple of decades. What was once considered “good, clean, wholesome fun” has been label by the powers that be as “gross and inappropriate”.

I am of course talking about public urination and chances are that while you haven’t done it your grandfather most likely has. Think about it, your grandpa is more hip than you are. Although, once again, his hips are more likely to be made of titanium, giving him an unfair advantage.

What has happened in our world that has driven this time honored tradition indoors? Now you can only pee in specific locations that have been sanctioned for that type of activity. Does this not sound like Nazi Germany to anyone else?

Gone are the days of writing your name on the side of the car belonging to the guy who took the parking spot you were waiting for. No more can you kill ants in a flood of warm and stinky liquid because they are smaller than you and they cannot hold on to a tree with that kind of pressure bearing down on them. Fantasy is the only place where you will find a yellow snow angel.

All that creative expression is gone. All we have left is a 0% chance that we are going to catch more of a person than we want to when we round the corner of the mini-mart. Or the off chance that your son will have fallen down into some mud with his pants around his ankle.

Okay so the kid will most likely still fall into the mud with no pants on, but it won’t be a urine related incident, so help me God!