In a move to reach out to many lost souls who don’t understand how much God wants to make their lives awesome, a variety of churches throughout the United States are opening their “Six Flags over Jesus” services where they will tell you about all the great things that will happen in your life when you accept Christ as your personal Lord and Savior.

“Riches and wonderful fluffy happiness” one author/preacher/avid Porsche collecting pastor noted, “That’s what awaits anyone who tithes to our church, because God wants so badly to bless you with every possible material item you have ever even dreamed of.” He went on to explain that God has blessed him with a beautiful wife, two children, a mansion parsonage, a summer house in Southern California, 13 Porsches, big screen TVs and a mistress. “It’s hard to believe that God has been so kind but its all real! You can ride with me on my private jet to my estate and see for yourself!”

These mega services, which take place at amusement parks blaring praise and worship music over loud speakers, draw thousands of loyal patrons each day. “My kids love coming to church! They bring their friends by the hundreds! Where else can I take my kids and have them listen to wholesome music while I pick up our pastor’s latest book and a cup of gourmet coffee? I heard the leadership council is looking into opening one of these in Africa if they can raise the money. Think of the impact!”

The effect has been widespread as the “Six Flags over Jesus” movement has taken off and only the potential profits are the limits to what this can achieve.