You want to know why deer are running about going willy nilly all over the place? Because there aren’t enough people like Randy Geopfert. Yeah, you heard me. I want to be like Randy. Here is the basic synopsis of his story.

Randy woke up on day and decided his son’s hair had gotten to the point that it needed to be sculpted into something awesome, like a Mohawk. So he took his son to the local Holiday Hair for a combination Mohawk/mullet. This kid was about to rock everybody’s’ face off. And why shouldn’t he? He is Randy’s boy isn’t he?

Well this passing deer sees the rocking haircut and decides hop in the store and challenge the young upstart to a duel, Mano e Deero or whatever. But Randy don’t let his son throw down in public, ruin his chances at an ultimate fighting title.

Randy does the only thing a man of his unparalleled caliber knows how to do. Throw rocks baby! One sharp sledge hammer to the jaw and the deer is reeling like Mike Tyson at a spelling bee. One hit, one hit and this guy grabs the deer by the throat and tosses it to the ground.

But Randy knows that a deer isn’t that easy, so He hops on top of the stunned animal and starts to choke the animal with his gigantic claws of wrath. The deer, sensing its end, decides its time for the flight approach and gets to moving. Randy, in his infinite wisdom and mercy, released the deer to hide in the back room.

When the authorities arrived, did they give randy the key to the city as he so richly deserved? No, instead they see that the animal’s jaw is broken and its frail body is beyond repair. Randy then blows gently in the animal’s ear, instantly killing it with blunt force trauma to the brain. It was only later they found out that Randy’s tears have healing powers.