As your presidential nominee I would like to let you all know what my immediate policy changes would be. These are the secondary platforms that I will be running on.

New wage for congress.

They get what the average American income is. A national income per household will be taken every election year and that will be the amount of money they make for their term. If congressmen want to make more money they will simply have to make efforts to take care of the lower income families in our society instead of catering to big money all the time.

Legal guardian punishment.

You get whatever punishment your minor does. If your child gets sentenced to 20 hours of community service both parents half to participate with the child at the same time. If you don’t want to be involved in your children’s life then the state will make you. Guess those harmless antics aren’t so harmless anymore.

Benefit adjustment

People who became disabled as a result of their own stupidity (I.E. drunk driving) are last in line for benefits. People born with disabilities or have them as a result of somebody else’s stupidity are treated first. Also put a rehabilitation initiative on the aid. Try to get people to work so they can contribute to society.

Also people who have lived a long full life get taken care of after young children who are born with problems get taken care off. I am tired of burying children in order to let grand mom live for another year. Sorry, but 99 years are long enough. Let the kid have a chance. Also work for guaranteed health care for children under 18. Have Ben Stein figure out how to finance it. Also give him his show back. He is funny.

Unemployment.

You get a total of 24 months of unemployment for your lifetime. If you go over that amount you are on your own. Sorry but this has got to be the most misused part of our national government. It’s time to kick that last 4% in the butt and get them to work for a living. I don’t want to pay for people who are unwilling to work to play the lotto anymore.

National Balanced budget Amendment

For every day past the due date for the budget congress goes they are docked $1,000. If they go over the budget then the first item to be docked is their pay. Simple. Do your job or you don’t get paid for it. Also have a 30-year dept elimination plan put into place. X amount of money each year goes toward paying down national debt. As for those countries that owe us money, I say cut out the middleman. If Cuba owes us 4 million and we owe somebody else 4 Million don’t just forgive the 4 Million Cuba owes us and stick us with the bill. Tell Cuba that they now owe the other person 4 million and we are out of the middle.

Prison reform

Prisoners are no longer afforded what most people can’t afford. No more cable TV. Also they will work (possibly refurbishing old car parts) in order to help pay for the costs of their punishment. Its time the general population stopped paying so much in order to keep their families safe. Let the people who broke the law pay for their crimes. I literally mean pay for it.

As your Presidential candidate I promise to get impeached for pissing off congress by telling them they don’t do their job and make way too much money.

My name is Ted and I approve this message.