As Roger pointed out in my previous post, I have no idea how much money is out there simply waiting for me to rightfully grasp it. Let me put this in terms you can readily understand. Someone out there owes me money and it is probably the government.
Now I know that based the actions of people who share my skin color and gender, but are in no way related to me or acted in any way I condone, you would think I owe more money. I am a white male about the age of twenty-five. But if you think about it, I have plenty of handicaps that I feel merit disability status.
I have a gigantic melanin deficiency. I burn almost instantly when out under the sun. Shouldn’t there be some sort of a government compensation for the long sleeve shirts and subsequent bottles of water I need to buy and use? Or the other route, where I smother myself in an anti-UV lotion, also known as sun tan lotion. Shouldn’t the government cover the costs of the lotion that I have to by as a result of my birth?
I cannot dance. This has lead to many hardships in my life. Most notably finding a woman. See, women like men who can dance and because I cannot shouldn’t the government offer me some sort of money to help me achieve what naturally inclined people readily achieve. I could use the money to buy a fancy car and take women out to expensive restaurants to help them forget about the dances I am unable to perform.
Lastly, I have natural inhibitors to my own athletic goals. My genes make it hard for me to jump, run, swim, hit or throw as well as many other people. Shouldn’t the government pay for me to have the best equipment so I am able to compete on a level playing field with people who are more naturally gifted than myself?
I am not joking here, I demand reparations for the years of suffering my people have undergone at the hands of less-sun afflicted, beat-gyration inclined and super athletic individuals. Roger, if you want to spearhead my efforts for reparations I would much appreciate it. I am afflicted and need help, nay, I demand help.
Now I know that based the actions of people who share my skin color and gender, but are in no way related to me or acted in any way I condone, you would think I owe more money. I am a white male about the age of twenty-five. But if you think about it, I have plenty of handicaps that I feel merit disability status.
I have a gigantic melanin deficiency. I burn almost instantly when out under the sun. Shouldn’t there be some sort of a government compensation for the long sleeve shirts and subsequent bottles of water I need to buy and use? Or the other route, where I smother myself in an anti-UV lotion, also known as sun tan lotion. Shouldn’t the government cover the costs of the lotion that I have to by as a result of my birth?
I cannot dance. This has lead to many hardships in my life. Most notably finding a woman. See, women like men who can dance and because I cannot shouldn’t the government offer me some sort of money to help me achieve what naturally inclined people readily achieve. I could use the money to buy a fancy car and take women out to expensive restaurants to help them forget about the dances I am unable to perform.
Lastly, I have natural inhibitors to my own athletic goals. My genes make it hard for me to jump, run, swim, hit or throw as well as many other people. Shouldn’t the government pay for me to have the best equipment so I am able to compete on a level playing field with people who are more naturally gifted than myself?
I am not joking here, I demand reparations for the years of suffering my people have undergone at the hands of less-sun afflicted, beat-gyration inclined and super athletic individuals. Roger, if you want to spearhead my efforts for reparations I would much appreciate it. I am afflicted and need help, nay, I demand help.
3 Responses to “Reparations: The Call”
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as a freckly redhead, i wholeheartedly agree about getting some sort of govt assistance for easily burning. hell, i get moonburns...
i think i should just go to the disability office and try to apply. tell them at the VERY least they need to provide me with sunscreen for life.
Moonburns... That is the lot of the Irish and it also explains the drinking to some degree.
Sorry. Nothing in it for me. Have you seen how little money home help aides for the disabled make?