Many times I catch myself making up new lyrics to overplayed Christmas songs. I have decided to give you some examples so you can enjoy this as well.

Silent Night

Silent night, turn on Light
Not so calm, trident fight!
Around the table Grandpa runs
Cased by one of his ungrateful sons
Grandma died last year
Grandma died last year


Jingle Bells

Dashing through the store
To get my shopping done
Got to buy some gifts
For people who earned none
Its Christmas time again
And I can’t be a Grinch
They’re all getting Dvds
Or CDs in a pinch
Jingling Bells Jingling Bells
Jingling for the duration of the trip
I enjoy transport via one beast propulsion
I find amusement in it.


O Holy Night

O What a Gift
I never even asked for
Because there’s no way
I would ever want this stuff
Sweaters that don’t fit
With fluffy reindeers on them
And socks adorned
With bright shades of pink
A sowing kit
A pad of princess paper
Anything that breaks
Because its made of plastic
What is this stuff
O hear the anguished voices
This Stuff is mine
Why did I make a wish list
This Stuff is mine, Oh no,
This Stuff is mine.


White Christmas

You’re dreaming of a nice Christmas
Unlike the ones you’ve had before
Where your children hear you
And spouse revere you
Despite the gifts you gave before

You’re dreaming of a bright Christmas
With every string of lights you buy
Maybe this year a relative won’t die
And the holiday season will pass you by.


Frosty The Snowman

Milton the cabbie was a jolly happy Dane,
He was 4 foot 2, He smelled like glue,
and probably wasn’t sane
Milton the cabbie used to chew on cigars all day
When he went to far he would stop the car
And throw his cigar in someone’s face
There must have been some whisky in that
Old hip flask he found
For when he pressed it to his lips
The cab would swerve around
O, Milton the Cabbie
Didn’t want to live
But he didn’t die so he spent his time
Drinking like a fish.
Thumpetty thump thump,
Thumpety thump thump,
Milton loved to talk
Thumpetty thump thump,
Thumpety thump thump,
Driving on your sidewalk.


Santa Claus Is Coming To Town

You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Kermit the frog is in your bedroom

He’s hiding in there,
And he’s watching you;
He knows everything that your gonna do
Kermit the frog is in your bedroom

He hiding in the bathroom
Or maybe under your bed
He could be in the closet or
Behind the curtains instead


Auld Lang Syne

Should all the lyrics be forgot
And never come to mind
Should all the lyrics be forgot
I will eat some pumpkin pie

Its pumpkin pie time my dear
Its time for pumpkin pie.
Nobody knows what words go here
Its time for pumpkin pie.


And for one of you in particular... Bear.