In yet another stunning turn of events the Haiti elections have erupted in what one local community leader summarized as “people in the streets.” After the ex-president, Rene Preval, failed to get the needed votes, angry citizens, who “really, really wanted him to win”, showed their disgust with the results by marching and chanting “Preval is President despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary!” Allegations of suggested voter tampering surfaced as soon as Preval supporters realized that there was no other way he could win. This all coming a meager two years after Jean-Bertrand Aristide was ousted in a bloody revolt where nearly two Kleenex were soiled in order to stop Aristide’s bloody nose. Preval was not available for comments but people within his camp claim he is in high hopes and believes that if enough people die in the rioting he has a good chance to win in the likelihood of a new election. So far the body count is at one but there is some speculation by major news networks that the body count could reach into the teens by next week, which would alter the election points by up to twelve percent. The U.N. presence in Haiti has as of yet done nothing in direct response to stop the rioting as U.N. Director in Charge in Haiti stated, “Those guys are nuts and we don’t want to get some of our guys killed.” Currently the 9,000 U.N. workers in Haiti are staying at the Holiday Inn and are throwing a week long "Beach Party for Peace" in hopes that if enough of the women U.N. workers are in bikinis that the rioters will “just stop and sway to the rhythm of that funky beat” says U.N. ambassador in charge of riot control, Tyra Banks. Tim Robins and soul mate Susan Sarandon are set to arrive on Saturday to hold a bongo drum vigil in hopes of staving off future bloodshed. Robins was quoted as saying “They need to have a government in place that creates peace in the hearts of the people.” He had no response when asked if he would donate his own money to help the poverty stricken nation.