Okay so as is tradition this time of the year for anyone who writes on anything here is my SUPER BOWL ADDITION. I know that you have a tendency to grab a Sports Illustrated and read up on the teams that are in the game but I can assure you that has little to do with who will win. Okay so that sounded a lot like your local conspiracy theorist and I am certainly not a conspiracy so you got to ask yourself: What’s the deally yo? Well if you pick up any magazine, lets say for arguments sake a Victoria’s Secret lingerie magazine, you find yourself reading something to the extent of how Matt Hasselback is in fact an African-American man with an afro and a vertical of 17 feet and that makes them the favorite by far. Or perhaps you, much like me, have been absorbing the countless hours of Sports Center and NFL Tonight that ESPN has been spewing at you since the NFC and AFC Championship games nearly two weeks ago. They assure you that with Jerome Bettis’ team leadership and death threats he has inspired the Steelers to play unbeatable football in the post season. That coupled with the “talent” (take that as what you will) of rookie sensation Big Ben Roelesbur… Roelsesber.. Big Ben; the Steelers have already received the trophy and their rings. I know what you are thinking. Big Ben isn’t a rookie this year. It’s his sophomore season but lets not lose perspective. ESPN knows a lot more about football than anyone in lingerie. So I have included a couple of techniques that are pretty much the only chance the Seahawks have.
Tip #1:
Stop The Bus. I don’t mean they need to hold Jerome Bettis to 20 yards or less I mean they need to damage the bus that brings the Steelers from their hotel to the game. If they don’t show up I think the Seahawks could have a chance to beat the Steelers fans who play in their steed.
Tip #2:
Force turnovers:
Gather up all the room keys for the Steelers players the night before and make them sleep in the halls. If the Seahawks could get the game equipment of the Steelers players to that would also help.
Tip #3:
Don’t let the Steelers fans get into the game.
Don’t let the Steelers fans into the game. Get all your fans there early and lock the doors. I don’t think this is going to give you the game but it will definitely help your concentration!
Tip #4:
Maintain possession of the ball.
Never at any point during the game let anyone, a ref, a Steelers player, a fan even your own (could be someone posing as your fan to throw you off). These are all potential times where the Seahawks could be beat and they will have to never let those times occur.
Tip #5:
Bribes.
No here at TWH we don’t encourage cheating but without a little help from the guys in the black and white I just don’t see the Seahawks winning.
Tip #6:
Animal Sacrifices.
The Seahawks are going to have to sacrifice their bodies periodically to keep the Steelers off the field. I recommend putting in a third stringer to fake an injury to give the Seahawks a rest.
Tip #7: (the last one)
Plant drugs at the Steelers hotel.
If “someone” put drugs in the Steelers players’ hotel rooms and implicate them in an international drug cartel the Seahawks may be able to divert the Steelers attention momentarily and get a much needed edge.
Now if this plan is to be effective all 7 points must be played out to the fullest. Otherwise I just don’t know how the Seahawks win and I am the most unbiased Pittsburg native out there. What?! I AM!
* The Seahawks have asked me to request my readers post additional helpful hints on this site. They seem somewhat reluctant to put faith in their players and game plan.
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