So my roommate, Leroy, and I were recently asked to join the elite force known as the Ninjas. Naturally, we expected the honor to be extended to us. It was the timing that was the big surprise. Now Leroy and I are clearly some of the most qualified Ninja’s that have ever joined the group but they only initiate new members when previous members pass away. I found out that two equally talented Ninjas had a fight to the death over a fortune cookie, which happens more than you would think. Unfortunately for them they were truly equal and ended up both dying, simultaneously from the fight.

Naturally Leroy and myself were the obvious selections. We are very stealth like and both can kick like an 8-legged mule. It was just that Leroy hadn’t told his girlfriend yet that he was that caliber of a Ninja. It’s a bit of an awkward moment to tell your gal that you could end her life and the life of everyone she knows and loves by accident if your weren’t so amazingly self-controlled. So when he told her she naturally wanted him to show his power to prove he wasn’t merely joking with her. Naturally he decided to kick so hard that the sun set 63 minutes early. He wanted me to tell you he was sorry about that but it had to be done.

Okay so now Leroy’s gal found out and my gal kinda found my swords one night and figured it out. There was no reason to not join. To be initiated you only had to kill like 200 people with your bare hands. This posed hardly a challenge to Ninja of Leroy or myself. Naturally we decided to kill lawyers and Ninja of lesser strength, as is custom for the initiation sequence. But after killing them Leroy, over a candle lit dinner, told me he had reservations about joining the group. He said that the Ninja organization really didn’t do much of anything anymore. So I round housed him to the face, which is the stand response for that statement, but to be honest I understand his point.

I mean, come on. When we were just Ninja without a group we could do as we pleased and destroy whomever we wanted. Now we had a brotherhood that we had to answer too. For this prestige we gave up our freedom. Now all we do is kick boards and drink some crappy tea with ginseng. Seriously, this is a complete waste of our talents. Leroy can kick so hard that he causes a solar eclipse, for crying out loud. How many people do you know who can do that? There are only like 6 people who can. Oh, and my judo chop. It can divide a man against himself. We are talking some serious power here.

But what do we do? Yesterday Leroy didn’t even pick his leg up off of the ground. I watched. He didn’t even do it when he was sleeping. 24 hours without that mighty limb even catching any air. I used my judo chop to cut the crust off of the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches we all had for lunch. That was kind of fun, at least. But, neither of us have assaulted anyone in like 2 weeks. If I don’t launch somebody into the atmosphere from a wicked round house soon I am going to go crazy. Leroy named all of his socks yesterday. It may be too late for him.