I found out last night that my roommate, Leroy, is Hispanic. Now that of course raises many interesting questions. Chiefly, is his fiancé only engaged to him because of the whole Latin lover thing? Now, I don’t really think that is the reason but of course my thoughts are purely speculation. I will have to employ science to accurately determine her true motives in being engage to my rather pasty Hispanic roommate, because we all know that there is a 0% of accuracy in anything that doesn’t have at least one test tube involved.

So I ran a series of very rigorous tests on the both of them last night. My tests were designed to create awkward situations, which neither my roommate or his gal would be able to discern that they were test. I started out with a simple test involving a standard greeting while I was holding a test tube. The results of this rudimentary test were mixed.

I then devised a classic hippie test to see if she would be receptive to humor that was uniquely American. In this test I filled my pockets with test tubes and poked fun at the music from the 70s in which no one ever actually correctly pronounced any words for the duration of the song. Naturally my roommate, who has an exemplary sense of humor, picked up on the joke and joined in. Now the results of this test was much more interesting and showed a bit more light on the subject.

She didn’t respond at all to my jokes until Leroy joined in. The later inspection of the test tubes confirmed my hypothesis in regards to her reaction. She didn’t respond to me with laughter because she couldn’t discern my weird mumblings. Yet when Leroy mumbled she instantly picked up on the words and the humor behind it.

I have come to the conclusion that she his Bi-Receptacle Ocular Transitional Mitosis. It is a devastating genetic defect in which the inflicted person can only truly understand and thereby communicate with a very select few people. This disease, because of the resulting social ramifications, is normally found in the more recluse, nerdy types.

Where as this defect is incurable, many can be taught social interaction and discernment. Also, I gave her a scratch test on the way out the door and she is allergic to pet dander, mold and baking soda.

I also tested Leroy and it turns out that he isn't Hispanic. I got some bad information.
But she does like Leroy because she can understand him and frankly I scare her. But that's okay... I scare a lot of people.