Well, first thing is first. There was very little participation on the Slogan Challenge. I am assuming that is because the logos were just to alienating for you to comment. So to the two brave souls who did, I will offer a dilly bar. Congrats to Leroy and Ryan for making the Dilly Bar hall of fame.

Now down to some real business. I am not a small man. Clearly, if you have ever seen me, I tend to make molehills out of mountains.

It’s just that I have really big shoulders and arms and my neck is huge and my legs are really wide. When I was a kid I decided that in order to impress women I would need to be a dominant force on a football field. I had no clue chicks like skater dudes. To aid my inevitable football dominance I needed to become incredibly strong. No one told me that such a decision would haunt me to this day.

I have to buy larger jean sizes and wear a belt because my legs don’t fit in jeans made for my waist size. Even the baggy jeans of larger sizes are still a bit tight. Also, shirts are impossible to by. If I get ones that don’t feel like they are choking me, it looks like I am wearing a tent with a spider man graphic on it.

Dress shirts are even worse. The company I work for was having an open house so I decide to get a couple of new dress shirts for the occasion. When I went to the store I, like any normal man, had no idea what size of shirt to by. There weren’t any Xs or Ls on any of them. So I had a short effeminate man measure my.

Before any measuring took place he guessed that I was going to be a 17 34/35 at least. Once he had the tape around my neck he exclaimed “Holy God!” I could only assume that he was impressed with his own guess. But alas my next is 18 ½ inches around. My sleeve length is a meager 36/37. He told me that I only a few companies made shirts in such a preposterous size. He looked around and found a small selection of shirts that either fit my arms or my neck, but none that fit both.

If I wanted a shirt that fit me I was going to have to go to a specialty store. I went to the Giants Warehouse and visited O&Gre’s Warehouse to find the shirts that would fit me. They only cost nearly double that of a regular humans shirt. Even more embarrassing was the fact that the person helping me at the “specialty store” was a very short slender lady who had no problem finding nice extremely tight clothing at her local marketplace.

I resigned myself to buying two shirts from the original store that fit my arms and not my neck. I never really liked ties anyway.