The Santa Claus Story


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Okay so I have been spending some time thinking about the whole Santa Claus/Christmas story that we have been told since we were like 5 and I think I have a couple of issues with it before I am willing to really believe in Christmas.

First of all if the Old Saint Nick is going to get all those presents made he is going to need a workforce of like 35 million elves, or dwarfs or what-ever-the-piss those people want to be called now-a-days. If he had a workforce of that size, there is no way that they wouldn’t be Unionized. Then how could Santa afford to give all those workers health benefits while still giving away all those toys?

Also, since we are on the topic of giving away toys, have you ever heard of such a sexist, racist, classist(based on social classes) in you entire life? He gives little polished pieces of glass called marbles to poor kids and freaking cars to rich kids. There is no way this dude wouldn’t have the largest class-action lawsuit on his hands.

Lastly, and the hardest bit to swallow is the whole raw materials thing. Where is he getting the materials to make the toys/cars depending on the wealth or you parents? Maybe that is why Africa has had such a hard time industrializing. Santa is taking all of their raw materials. Okay so that part kinda makes sense.

On a related note who is Santa’s PR person. This guy has so many face changes that even Michael Jackson seems like an occasional visitor to the plastic surgery office. Did you see the one picture where he is black! Wow what a job.

Those three points are the only points that don’t make sense. I have checked it out and other then these issues the story is air tight. So if anyone can explain to me those items I will have no choice but to believe in Santa Clause.


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