My cell phone rang yesterday and it was Leroy.

Me: Hey, what’s up Leroy?
Leroy: How did you know it was me.
Me: Caller ID.
Leroy: Heard of it but don’t trust that kind of voodoo witchcraft stuff.
Me: I am pretty sure it is just technology.
Leroy: I don’t have time to tell you why you are wrong. I don’t have any pants on.
Me: You called me to tell me you don’t have any pants on.
Leroy: Yeah. There is some point to it but I seem to have forgotten. Can I borrow a pair of yours?
Me: Um… I hate to have to ask this but are you wearing underwear?
Leroy: Well, they aren’t meant to be but I have some dishtowels wrapped around where I would normally have underwear.
Me: Dishtowels?
Leroy: Yeah, our dog ate all of my underwear and I haven’t been able to get to a store on account of them not letting me in without pants.
Me: Did the dog eat them too?
Leroy: No, the pants are fine.
Me: So, did you try to go into a store without pants on?
Leroy: Yeah, and let me tell you those people are not very understanding.
Me: Do tell. Are you calling me from jail?
Leroy: No. Should I be?
Me: Probably if you tried to go into a store without pants on.
Leroy: I left while they were on the phone with the police. I didn’t want to cause any problems. I just needed new underwear.
Me: Why didn’t you just put on some pants over your kitchentowels?
Leroy: Okay, so I didn’t want to get any dishtowels dirty so I used 6 bath towels.
Me: 6 dish towels!
Leroy: I don’t need to tell you how important full coverage is in this type of a situation. But with the 6 towels my pants didn’t fit. I thought yours might.
Ted: So you called me to tell me that I am much fatter than you are?
Leroy: Well I tried the doorbell but you didn’t answer.
Ted: I am at work. It’s 2 in the afternoon.
Leroy: So is that a no?
Ted: Just get inside the building and I will be home in a couple of minutes. What size underwear do you need?
Leroy: Why?
Ted: I am just going to buy you some and bring them too you.
Leroy: Well that’s a problem. I don’t know. I usually try them on.
Ted: I am just going to buy you a couple of different sizes and pretend I didn’t hear what you just said. On a related note can you tell me where you shop so I can never go there.
Leroy: It’s okay. I try them on over my pants.
Ted: Well, that is better… I guess.
Leroy: Hurry. It’s cold out here.