I, as many a man, did not watch the Oscars. I chose to avoid it as I have chosen to do, so many times in the past, because I find none of it interesting.

The Oscars lack a certain made-up quality that I desire in my award shows. Such as any awards show that MTV hosts, especially the MTV Music Awards (like MTV knows anything about music).

So to honor this night of prestigious awards I will go over each category and award My Bosco Award to whomever or whatever I deem appropriate.

Performance by an actor in a leading role
Leonardo DiCaprio - BLOOD DIAMOND
Ryan Gosling - HALF NELSON
Peter O'Toole - VENUS
Will Smith - THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS
Forest Whitaker - THE LAST KING OF SCOTLAND

I saw Leonardo DiCaprio in a movie this year. It wasn’t blood diamond though. It was The Departed. Everyone claimed this movie was the best movie since whatever your favorite movie was. I was just left wondering if anyone is Boston could get through a whole sentence without swearing.

Will Smith’s movie The Pursuit of Happyness had one of the best recommendations for modern movies. My friend Jared like it a lot and viewed it multipul times in the theater.

Still, my Bosco award for Best Performance by and Actor goes to Leroy Dehnke for his role in the Rock TV that hasn’t been released yet. He is only in there for about a minute but it is one of the most memorable roles ever captured on film.

Performance by an actor in a supporting role
Alan Arkin - LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
Jackie Earle Haley - LITTLE CHILDREN
Djimon Hounsou - BLOOD DIAMOND
Eddie Murphy - DREAMGIRLS
Mark Wahlberg - THE DEPARTED

Again I have only seen 1 of these movies but I am just going to give it to Eddie Murphy for not playing an obese woman in a movie. I figure if I give him the Bosco it will encourage him to play roles that aren’t fat women.

Performance by an actress in a leading role
Penélope Cruz - VOLVER
Judi Dench - NOTES ON A SCANDAL
Helen Mirren - THE QUEEN
Meryl Streep - THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA
Kate Winslet - LITTLE CHILDREN

Haven’t seen any of these. Penelope Cruz is the most attractive but she drove me nuts in Sahara. So I will award the Bosco to my mother, because she is so much cooler than these chicks. Way to go Mom!

Performance by an actress in a supporting role
Adriana Barraza - BABEL
Cate Blanchett - NOTES ON A SCANDAL
Abigail Breslin - LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
Jennifer Hudson - DREAMGIRLS
Rinko Kikuchi - BABEL

Yep, didn’t see any of these either. I will award the Bosco for best supporting role to Madeline Kahn for her role in Blazing Saddles.

Best animated feature film of the year
CARS
HAPPY FEET
MONSTER HOUSE

I only saw Cars so Cars wins. I wanted to see Monster House but didn’t have time.

Achievement in art direction
DREAMGIRLS
THE GOOD SHEPHERD
PAN'S LABYRINTH
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST
THE PRESTIGE

The Prestige wins this Bosco. It’s the only one I wanted to see and didn’t. Pirates was good but they haven’t released the last one yet and it is beginning to piss me off.

Achievement in cinematography
THE BLACK DAHLIA
CHILDREN OF MEN
THE ILLUSIONIST
PAN'S LABYRINTH
THE PRESTIGE

I have to give this Bosco to the Rock TV’s Revelation 9:11 for shooting the video like a documentary. They totally got more laughs than The Black Dahlia.


Achievement in costume design
CURSE OF THE GOLDEN FLOWER
THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA
DREAMGIRLS
MARIE ANTOINETTE
THE QUEEN

I am actually going to give this Bosco to the Queen for wearing the period clothing. It was impressive that no one died!

Achievement in directing
BABEL
THE DEPARTED
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
THE QUEEN
UNITED 93

United 93 made me so angry with people for hating. So the Bosco goes to World Trade Center. It was amazing that a movie could portray that day without inciting anger towards the attackers. It focused all of the viewers’ energy on the heroes of the day. Great movie.

Best documentary feature
DELIVER US FROM EVIL
AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH
IRAQ IN FRAGMENTS
JESUS CAMP
MY COUNTRY, MY COUNTRY

Who cares? Again I award this Bosco to Revelation 9:11 by Rock TV for making fun of the slanted documentaries we have thrown at us each year. 2 Boscos for Revelation 9:11!


Best documentary short subject
THE BLOOD OF YINGZHOU DISTRICT
RECYCLED LIFE
REHEARSING A DREAM
TWO HANDS

See above comment. 3 Boscos for Revelation 9:11!

Achievement in film editing
BABEL
BLOOD DIAMOND
CHILDREN OF MEN
THE DEPARTED
UNITED 93

What? They have an award for this. Okay I will throw one to The Deveggie Code by Rock TV. Great work on that one too.

Best foreign language film of the year
AFTER THE WEDDING
DAYS OF GLORY (INDIGÈNES)
THE LIVES OF OTHERS
PAN'S LABYRINTH
WATER

Letters from Iwo Jima, here is a Bosco for you!

Achievement in makeup
APOCALYPTO
CLICK
PAN'S LABYRINTH

There is no Bosco Award for makeup. Let that be known throughout the world

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original score)
BABEL
THE GOOD GERMAN
NOTES ON A SCANDAL
PAN'S LABYRINTH
THE QUEEN

You all get 1/5th a Bosco because I didn’t see any of your films. In 5 more years you may have enough to make a whole Bosco.

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song)
"I Need to Wake Up" - AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH
"Listen" - DREAMGIRLS
"Love You I Do" - DREAMGIRLS
"Our Town" - CARS
"Patience" - DREAMGIRLS

I saw Cars but decided to give the Bosco to An Inconvenient Truth for “ I Need to Wake Up” because I am tired today. I may regret this decision tomorrow but it is as it stands.

Best motion picture of the year
BABEL
THE DEPARTED
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
THE QUEEN

Best picture of the year is still The Lord of the Rings. Sorry but if you want to push it off its top spot make a good movie. Although in all fairness I haven’t seen most of these movies. Yet still the Bosco goes to LOTR. Again, Pirates was close but they delayed the last installment long enough to make me mad.

Best animated short film
THE DANISH POET
LIFTED
THE LITTLE MATCHGIRL
MAESTRO
NO TIME FOR NUTS

No Time For Nuts wins on its name alone. Here’s your Bosco.

Best live action short film
BINTA AND THE GREAT IDEA (BINTA Y LA GRAN IDEA)
ÉRAMOS POCOS (ONE TOO MANY)
HELMER & SON
THE SAVIOUR
WEST BANK STORY

The Protector wins because of the rating: R for pervasive strong violence. Now that is Bosco worthy!

Achievement in sound editing
APOCALYPTO
BLOOD DIAMOND
FLAGS OF OUR FATHERS
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST

Pirates wins the Bosco for this one because I remember thinking the sound was nice.

Achievement in sound mixing
APOCALYPTO
BLOOD DIAMOND
DREAMGIRLS
FLAGS OF OUR FATHERS
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST

How is this different from the last award? I am just going to bundle them in the Boscos.

Achievement in visual effects
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST
POSEIDON
SUPERMAN RETURNS

Superman Returns wins the Bosco for the shot where the bullet bounces off of Super mans eye. That is Bosco cool!

Adapted screenplay
BORAT CULTURAL LEARNINGS OF AMERICA FOR MAKE BENEFIT GLORIOUS NATION OF KAZAKHSTAN
CHILDREN OF MEN
THE DEPARTED
LITTLE CHILDREN
NOTES ON A SCANDAL

Naaa. I am not awarding this one this year. If I remember I will give out two of them next year. How about a Robinson Cruiso Film?

Original screenplay
BABEL
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
PAN'S LABYRINTH
THE QUEEN

I like the idea for Letters from Iwo Jima but Pirates of the Caribbean wins because it was more interesting. Yet another Bosco awarded to the Pirates.