Calvin Coolidge is stalking me. Well, I haven’t seen him but there have been some pretty big hints. It could just be his soulless corpse.

The first time I found footprints outside my bedroom window there was a map of Vermont with the town of Plymouth circled in red ink. Also the shoes were solid soled shoes. Nothing like what we have now.

Then there was a time I woke up from a nap on my couch and there was an elephant painted on my check in red and blue with 3 stars on its back.

There was an article about the Boston Police Strike pinned to my front door with a knife a few nights ago and a line of succession for the presidency was painted in blood on the hood of my car.

At this point in time I was pretty sure it was Coolidge. All the pieces fit and nobody really even considered the man a president so it would make sense that he would still strive to make his name known.

His presidency was marked by a quite respect for lack of corruption. And that would be about it, excepting of coarse the Kellogg-Briand Act, which stated that cereal companies couldn’t go to war with each other using weapons. If they wanted to fight they would have to use fists like real men.

Either way you look at it, it’s kind of cool to have a former president’s body stalking you. No matter what he does though, I will always be a Lincoln man.