Here are 100 - 50. Not sure why I am doing this countdown style.

And yes, Roger, there are bound to be a plethora of spelling and grammatical errors

100.) There are ghosts. Explaining why this is true is harder than understanding it just is.
99.) Despite any lack of physical evidence, certain phenomena such as the Lock Ness Monster, Atlantis, Count Dracula, Frankenstein, etc are known to exist. It’s just they are really good at hiding.
98.) No matter how many times they get shot the hero in any given situation will survive. This also applies to blood lost and severe beatings.
97.) People who truly do extraordinary things do them during wars. The rest of the time human beings are basically fluffing off.
96.) It is possible to breath in deep space without any kind of oxygen source. NASA has been spending ridiculous amounts of money on unnecessary breathing apparatus.
95.) Although gangs and crime rings kill, maim, sell drugs, encourage prostitution, support alcohol abuse and act like they are above the law, they are noble organizations of tough and like minded geniuses whom have been dealt a bad hand by fate. We should all feel inspired by their courageous stories.
94.) The thing that humans enjoy most is being surprised. If someone you love wants a DVD player, get him or her a yo-yo because it’s all about the surprise ending.
93.) Total ruthless evil is entertainment. If we had the Devil caught on tape it would be on primetime TV. When is Donald Trump on?
92.) King Arthur never had a horse. He had a servant with two halves of coconuts and he was banging them together. No word on how he got the coconut.
91.) If you are going to fight crime without superhuman powers you had better have one heck of a car and rock-hard plastic abs.
90.) The Scottish do wear skirts but that does not diminish the fact that they are ruthless. They also do not wear underwear.
89.) If you get caught in a tornado, stay in the house. Unless of course you think you can survive a house landing on you.
88.) Somewhere out there is a dead guy, running around in a rabbit costume trying to stop his own death and the death of a young girl.
87.) You can levitate heavy objects using the force. Personally I recommend the force be a crane but apparently that is considered cheating.
86.) If you need to travel through time it is best to go alone in a complex machine that you yourself did not invent.
85.) People who are trained by the government to kill often times become murderers.
84.) Bruce Willis has 65 gallons of blood flowing through his veins at all times incase he needs to bleed profusely for over an hour.
83.) Vietnam claimed only a few more lives than the A-Hole drill instructors at basic training.
82.) There is no danger in taking giant uncalculated risks when it comes to nature. Nature is a gentle and forgiving force that will… oh wait. You die in the end. So you can do it for a while but then nature will get you. Man, nature likes to set you up.
81.) Fish talk. So do rats, birds, rhinos, elephants and teapots. Also so does everything ever. All animals, minerals and plants speak perfect English. Just not when you are around.
80.) People when exposed to radioactive materials do crazy stuff. Like stretch, a lot. Or become rock. Or turn into fire. Or invisible, along with other stuff. It’s really weird.
79.) ROUS stands for rodents of unusual size. It also appears that there may have been text messaging since the early 1990s.
78.) The Dude abides. I don’t know about you but I get a great amount of comfort from that. Just knowing he is out there doing his thing.
77.) A Pooka is a large invisible spirit thing that usually takes on the form of an animal and gets people committed to insane asylums.
76.) If you hate Punksatony Phil then you will never wake up in a new day. That is until your boss sleeps with you. It’s more gross if your boss is a 85 year old overweight smoker with webbed feet and an extra nipple but it’s okay if she is younger than you and hot.
75.) If either Queen Latifah or Sinbad come to live with you hilarity will ensue!
74.) Revenge is a dish best served cold. That is unless you are having it served to you, in which case you are probably already screwed.
73.) The world is fake and we are all just batteries for our robot lords.
72.) The robots are sending a drone back in time to kill Sarah Conners. They didn’t try to kill her when she was young and defenseless. Rather they decided it would work best if they tried to kill her when she was grown up and defended by a crappy robot with a dumb accent.
71.) Robots from the future will have accents.
70.) The French prefer to speak English when nobody else is around but they just don’t want to appear weak. So do the Chinese, Japanese and the rest of the world, except terrorists. They never speak English.
69.) When the devil decides to occupy an empty vessel and holy water doesn’t work you need to kill two priests.
68.) If you bring any large creature into a major metropolitan area it will escape and wreck the whole downtown arts district. Animals hate art especially when it is profitable.
67.) When you look at your son hold him up to the sun. That way if you drop him you can claim the sun hurt your eyes.
66.) Bad guys all have a soft spot. They all have a heart and when you strip away the killing and guns they are all scared. Either scared or really truly crazy, one or the other.
65.) Toys, when we are not around, attack each other in a battle for the right to be played with. When your toys go missing they are actually MIA.
64.) Sean Penn is against fighting, unless it is in a movie, in which case he is so freaking for violence and him doing it.
63.) Pirates came up with such elaborate plans that after 3 hours of explaining it you still won’t understand it.
62.) When people die they are just waiting to get overtaken by their hunger for brains. Then they will rise again and walk around like morons. So pretty much only a dietary change.
61.) Everyone in the prison system is wrongfully accused except Morgan Freeman. He shot the guy.
60.) Hitler was such a total prick it is ridiculous.
59.) Harrison Ford likes his sidekicks tall, hairy and indiscernible.
58.) There are a plethora of gin joints in the world to choose from.
57.) The Germans wanted the Ark of the Covenant for crazy ceremonies to mass kill themselves.
56.) Hobbits live in the Shire. Gandalf, a well-known wizard however, is homeless.
55.) Edward Norton’s inner voice is very attractive to most women.
54.) Every time an bell rings an angel gets its wings. Wonder what happens when a car backfires.
53.) People do not die from a series of deep chest wounds. They merely bleed a lot then talk in a low voice for a while. That is unless they are not important to the future. In which case they are as good as dead.
52.) Mark Walberg could take on a legion of super robots and beat them with nothing but a spoon to defend himself.
51.) There is not only life on basically every other star system in the galaxy, but they view us as toys, food, and/or a nuisance. They will be here a couple of years ago to kill us off.
50.) Everyone smokes. You smoke. You just aren’t aware that you do and just how cool it makes you look.

I am going to need your help for the remainder so if you have any funny suggestions I need them.

Over the weekend I exhibited many symptoms that are common to the flu. Without any scientific backing I can confidently say that I did not have the flu. Instead I just had all the symptoms without a discernable cause.

Firstly was the fever. It didn’t last very long though because I attacked it with a combination of Tylenol and 75 blankets. As the fever started to fade I took my temperature. It was 101.5 degrees, which made me wonder how high it had gotten when my fever was really bad.

Next was the “Rocket Yoohoo Out of Your Bottom” stage. During Ryoyb the body becomes increasingly weaker and starts to lose weight. The Ryoyb stage is commonly referred to as Calista Flockhartization.

The weakness still lingers although I can now eat actually food without devastating repercussions.

Unfortunately, a vast number of power-crazed ninjas have laid siege to my apartment in hopes of taking my World’s Awesomest Ninja Ever award by defeating me in hand to hand combat.

Little do they know, I have enough food in the apartment to last me a fortnight during which time I will not only recover my strength but become more powerful and less vulnerable to their bacterial based attacks.

Hello. My name is Terrance Powell but most people know me as Terry P, or in some cases Terry Power. Just kidding, Terry P will do just fine. I thought I would take a moment today to share with you some heart-felt truths I have experienced over the years.
All you need to know from life can be gleaned from this picture of me at last year’s Trout Festival. Now I didn’t take home the trophy for largest trout. Heck, my team didn’t even win this tug of war competition (The guy in the front bite his own tongue clean off and once you lose your front man, well, it ain’t all that long till you just plain lose.)

Now I could tell you the stories that my daddy always told me about how if you’re not a winner you a pansy and real men wear blood, but I won’t. Instead I am going to tell you about taking it easy and enjoying life.

Look at me. That feller in the front ended up hurting himself and for what? Nothing, that’s what. So you got to ask yourself what is the point.

That other guy in the front of me wearing the shades thought he was so cool. He ended up going home with the 2007 Trout Queen that night. Me, I went home with my self-esteem intact. You cannot place a price on that.

So here are the mottos that your buddy, old Terry P lives by.

1.) If you like the color pink, wear it.
2.) If you can’t see well wear glasses
3.) Don’t over exert yourself. That never helps.
4.) Wear your hair long and play your music loud.
5.) Love the life you lead brother. Love the heck out of it.

Oh yeah, and that pretty lady right over my left shoulder smiling. She’s with me and has been for 4 years. How do you like them apples!

I don’t talk about college much. Maybe because I didn’t finish or because I didn’t feel like my time there was well spent. It’s hard to say. It seems that I only ever complain about college but I did get to know a great many good people and I had some good teachers who facilitated my mental exploration.

I spent a semester at NIU. My friend graduated from there and Dekalb is just under 1 hour from where I grew up in Illinois. I am not going to recount what happened. There are plenty of people who can do that. I am just going to share my feelings and thoughts, for what they are worth, with you.

It is shocking to think that something like this can take place. I remember when the V-Tech shootings happened. I was engrossed with trying to comprehend what could cause such hatred and such a reaction. I read every news article that I could on the subject.

Since then I have gotten a lot more personal with tragedy and have come to appreciate its collateral effects. I never knew that just being close to something colossally heartbreaking could so change you. I felt selfish for wanting to complain about how I felt but the need to talk about it. I stifled it to some degree but still haven’t even begun to work my way through how I feel about it all.

Call it post traumatic stress disorder or just pain old hurt inside, I haven’t figured it all out yet. There is a balancing act there that seems at times to be best left alone. But today the emotions and stirring forces within myself have all come rushing back.

To see places you once went to class with rushing policemen in the foreground, the buildings that I went to school in with streams of injured individuals flooding from them is hard to take. I would have never thought that something that happened so far away could reach into me and cause such a reaction. It is devastating. And yet again I feel selfish.

I won’t bury anyone. I won’t be watching a person heal and yet still bear the scares of the day. I won’t be bitter at another Illinois St. Valentines Day massacre. But I will hurt. I will internalize and later down the road something will jar this pain loose and I will hurt as fresh as I have today.

Starbuck Coffee Company would like to sit down with you at your dinning room table and discuss further expansion concepts for their coffee empire. Why at your table and not at one of the 6 Starbucks Coffee Shops located in a 4 block radius of your house? Now that is a good question.

Recent polling shows that people are drinking large amounts of coffee at home and that is an untapped market for Starbucks. Sure, you can buy their beans and brew them at home but then they aren’t making nearly the 5 bucks a cup they are used to being paid. In addition to that alarming fact, most people say they would like to be sitting at home right now, on their couch and drinking a cup of coffee.

That brings us to the purpose of Starbucks meeting with you. They would like to open at least one Starbucks Coffee Shop location in your house and probably two.

The first location would be located in your living room, within arm distance of your couch, where demographics show you are more likely to purchase coffee than anywhere else in the Universe.

Just imagine how the warm green glow of the Starbucks Coffee sign will light up your special someone’s face and you snuggle up to watch a romantic movie staring Billy Bob Thorton.

The second location would be right outside your bathroom with a special drive thru style window for coffee in the shower. Statistics prove that with people attempting to shorten their morning “bed to desk” time with multitasking, it’s only a matter of time before all of breakfast will take place in the shower.

I know it seems like a sever invasion of privacy but think of the connivance and potential influx of rent money that you could spend on coffee!!!

I, as a great many of you, grew up with such mascots as the Fighting Sioux or The Braves or The Heathen Blood Spewing Savages. Great Mascots, I know. But more and more these epic names are being disputed as inflammatory towards Native American’s. I don’t know what they are talking about. I don’t know any team with a mascot called the Native American.

Soon the Florida Seminoles, the mighty team of the nineties, will be relegated to being nothing more than the Florida Disinterested Quadrupeds. The Washington Redskins will be known as the Mighty Flock of Dung Beetles that hail from our nations capitals. The Packers will remain the Packers but Brett Favre will be known as the Gentle Giant Ant Eater of the midway.

None of us want to see things go this way, but we are all powerless to help. Why? Because a group of people, who are technically not even US citizens, living on the land we stole from them don’t want us using their names. Well they cannot stop us from using the Mohicans because the last one of them died in a movie in 1992! The Fighting Mohicans of Minnesota… I like it!

Will the Native American's have all the cool mascot names? Will Harvard's mascot be a cartoon version of Vikings lineman Matt Burke? Yes, but its going to be okay because the Norse don't care about the honor of their heritage.

When is the last time you attempted to slaughter a bald eagle in the name of the king? Try it. Go ahead. I will wait until you get back.

See, you cannot even do that anymore. You get close to one of those suckers with a gun or machete and people just claim over each other to judge you and your heathen ritual practices.

So what if I want to take the entrails of a gopher and smear them onto the sidewalk outside a Denny’s? The star pattern with a crescent moon and a bird are signs of respect and prosperity for everyone, well except the gopher of course.

It shouldn’t bother anyone that I slit the neck of a live elephant and climb into the stomach only to cut my way out of the abdomen as a sign of being born anew and washed with the blood of the power animal. Why is it then, that every time I do this, do people get upset?

I don’t complain when women breast-feed in public! Or the way fat guys wear wife beaters and tight pants. It’s disgusting to me but I don’t get upset about it. I allow for other cultures to express their beliefs in whatever way they deem appropriate. I just kill rare animals to express mine.

I clean up after myself, which is more than I can say for the rest of the neighborhood.

As it turns out I am afraid of linoleum flooring. I would like to be able to explain in great detail why I am but I only just now got the results back from the doctor and am quite taken back by the discovery.

How many times have I looked and the cheap flooring or even walked on it, not know that I am deafly afraid of it? Twenty-seven times. That is how many.

I am thinking back over my life trying to remember why I hate, loathe, fear and possibly lick (not like Roger, lick) the cheap style of floor covering. I have narrowed it down to one situation that I remember distinctively.

I was 5 years old, figuratively speaking. I was actually 23 but for the purpose of this story 5 years of age will do quite nicely.

I was walking down an ally at night when a man dressed in rages hopped out of a garbage can that was shaped like a 1995 Buick La Sabre. He was either foaming at the mouth from rabies or chewing a McChicken sandwich from McDonalds without his dentures in. I do not care to speculate.

The man was saying something that was wholly inaudible then fell to the ground dead. Since I didn’t know what he said I just made up words that sounded remotely similar. He had told me that I would die from a blow to the head with a 2-inch by 6-inch swatch of linoleum. His words still haunt me to this day.

I wet my bed, which I had been in the whole time. Now, I fear linoleum.

Yep that story should be able to explain my crippling disability.

My good friend Peter put me on to the cold tale of former child actor Jonathan Brandis. The young man killed hung himself bringing his sort life to a tradgic end. Isotretinoin, the clinical name for Accutane, might have been involved.

Accutane is a drug used for the treatment of severe acne. More important are the side effects. The list reads like a joke from Saturday Night Live. Common side effects include mild acne flare, infection of the cuticles, cheilitis, skin fragility, skin peeling, rash, nose bleeds, hyperlipidaemia, raised liver enzymes, headaches, hair thinning.

Less frequent side effects are severe acne flare, raised blood glucose level, increased erythrocyte sedimentation rate, and fatigue.

The side effects that are considered rare are impaired night vision, cataracts, optic neuritis, menstrual disturbances, inflammatory bowel disease, pancreatitis, hepatitis, corneal opacities, papilloedema, idiopathic intracranial hypertension, skeletal hyperostosis, extraosseous calcification, and it is believed that severe depression can occur, although there is no conclusive evidence for this.

Even after disconinuion use of the drug patients still may experience alopecia (hair loss), arthralgias, decreased night vision, degenerative disc disease, keloids, bone disease. High dosages of isotretinoin have been reported to cause rosacea (a disease of severe facial skin redness and irritation).

Sounds pretty bad right. Well, there is more. Isotretinoin is a teratogen and is highly likely to cause birth defects if taken during pregnancy. Various case reports of depression, suicidal ideation, suicide attempt, and suicide in patients treated with isotretinoin have been reported.

Okay, lets break this down. There is a chance that the product won’t work and instead will cause severe acne flare. Aside from that there are 4 paragraphs worth of side effects, one of which is potential suicide. How is this drug still licensed? How is it possible for this drug to still be sold?

Answer, the drug company keeps changing the name so the public doesn’t know it is the same drug… Um, I trust my doctor… how well do you trust yours?

OSHA is an organization who makes sure that you are protected at work so much that it is virtually impossible to stub ones toe in a work environment any longer. It makes people less sharp and exponentially increases the likeliness that wolverines or cougars with eventually take over as the dominant species on the planet.

That is why this morning, really early, I snuck into your cube and planted some mirror limb-severing booby traps. These traps will either enlighten you to how much you have let your reflexes and instincts slide, help retune your skills in evading danger or kill the weaker ones of our race thereby making us much harder to kill. The weakest links on the human chain must be severed.

I have also put petroleum jelly on various items in your cube to make sure that you understand the value of the phrases “look before you leap”. How many times have you walked into a room without proper reconnaissance? You don’t know if there is a trained ninja monkey attack squadron in the room, waiting to eliminate you with extreme prejudice and feces.

Have you even checked under your stairs for water buffalo’s with small crossbows ready to launch baby alligators at you Achilles tendons? Come on! They have a very sophisticated plan of attack. I bet you don’t even know that the birds in your city are flying around with black widows attached to their bellies by a long strand of web, just waiting to get close enough to bite you.

You didn’t know that! Well to be honest I don’t think you are going make it through the day unscathed.

All caucusing aside, the most important issue that faces the Democratic candidates in the upcoming election is smile power. The real question yet to be answered is can Hillary out-smile the upstart Barack Obama? Let’s take a look.

Lets do this thing… that is not Monday Musings

Why exactly is it that a defensive lineman cannot win MVP of the Super Bowl. I don’t think the out come would have been even close if any one of the Giants’ d-linemen were out with a twisted what-have-you. And aside from the last quarter, Eli Manning was not going to be writing home to his mother about the performance.


I hope you all realized that it is just a matter of time before Chris Collinsworth says that the two Manning brothers are comparable as quarterbacks but Eli got there quicker.


Why is it that after any major eating event that it feels like the Cheetos Cheetah is trying to claw his way out from inside my stomach. Perhaps he is being chased by the Terminator from the Sarah Connor Chronicles.


Why, if the robots are from the future and have time travel capabilities, can’t they build a robot that is smart enough to kill a woman and a kid? Or even better, why don’t they go back to an earlier date and invent themselves when they can easily rule the earth. Like 2000 B.C. For being really futuristic they are pretty stupid.


If everyone only gets 15 minutes of fame, whose minutes has Tom Cruise been using up? Man I would hate to be that dude.


Randy Moss has a pretty bad reputation amongst football fans. But what has he done? Name 3 things. Yeah you can name 2 but you cannot name 3 bad things. It’s not like he is Pacman Jones or Terrell Owens. I am just saying is all.


Did I mention there is this new show called Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles. Yeah, Fox mentioned it about 200 times last night, which was in no way utterly annoying.


The Terminator kicked the Fox-bot’s butt last night. He so had it coming.


You remember when the Super Bowl commercials were iconic? They were funny and there was this unwritten rule that it had to be? Yeah that ship has sailed. There were 3 funny ones out of a total of 23 commercials. Perhaps the pricing has driven the competition away. 2.7 million for a 30 second spot seems a bit excessive.

Its that famous time of the year when TWH hands out the most prestigious award available to the film industry.

The Nominations for Best Performance by an actor in a leading role are:
George Clooney in "Michael Clayton"
Daniel Day-Lewis in "There Will Be Blood"
Johnny Depp in "Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street"
Tommy Lee Jones in "In the Valley of Elah"
Viggo Mortensen in "Eastern Promises"

I haven’t even heard of half of these movies. Who was in charge of nominating these guys? We just steal our nominations for the Oscars? Okay, I’ll wing it.

Well since I haven’t heard of these movies I am going to pick Heath Ledger’s Role as the Joker in all of the Previews. So far he looks to have accomplished something once thought impossible. He revisited a character played by Jack Nicholson and, incredibly, did a better job at it.

The Nominations for Best Performance by an actor in a supporting role are:
Casey Affleck in "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford"
Javier Bardem in "No Country for Old Men"
Philip Seymour Hoffman in "Charlie Wilson's War"
Hal Holbrook in "Into the Wild"
Tom Wilkinson in "Michael Clayton"

Now normally I refer to this as the Leroy award. He is pretty much the funniest guy for situational comedy, perhaps ever. And that is a complement I mean quite seriously. He has great timing and the ability to eat anything. He ate a light bulb for crying out loud. But here is my dilemma. I haven’t watched the movie “Into the Wild” yet but to say the book smote me is to underscore it. So this year we will be splitting the Bosco between Hal Holbrook in “Into the Wild” and Leroy in either the “Sleep Commercial” or “The North American Geek”. I know I don’t have to say it but the head on the wall scene is one of the most amazing scenes of all time.

The Nominations for Best Performance by an actress in a leading role are:
Cate Blanchett in "Elizabeth: The Golden Age"
Julie Christie in "Away from Her"
Marion Cotillard in "La Vie en Rose"
Laura Linney in "The Savages"
Ellen Page in "Juno"

Juno is getting rave review and I have a couple of people who claim to have made love to the movie already, but I am not that easy. Rachel Cornish for Rock TV has been on a tear this year with stellar rolls in “The North American Geek”, America’s Next Top Pastor” and “The Hills Have Mimes”. Rock TV’s Christine always lights up the screen with her impeccable pronunciation. I am serious. Watch her mouth when she talks. It’s so rhythmic and cool. But my best of the year goes to Elizabeth Mitchell for her role in “The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause”. Without her participation this movie wouldn’t have been able to make it off the ground. She is the sole individual responsible for bringing this film to the American public, and for that she gets The Bosco.

The Nominations for Best Performance by an actress in a supporting role are:
Cate Blanchett in "I'm Not There" (The Weinstein Company)
Ruby Dee in "American Gangster" (Universal)
Saoirse Ronan in "Atonement" (Focus Features)
Amy Ryan in "Gone Baby Gone" (Miramax)
Tilda Swinton in "Michael Clayton" (Warner Bros.)

Christine from Rock TV. I don’t understand how or why she moves her lips so much when she talks but its kind of freaky and cool at the same time. Any time you can be freaky and cool simultaneously, you deserve a Bosco.

The Nominations for Best Best motion picture of the year are:
"Atonement”
"Juno"
"Michael Clayton"
"No Country for Old Men"
"There Will Be Blood"

I have been informed that unless I give a Bosco to “No Country for Old Men” my award will be considered uncredible. So here is the sacrifical Bosco given to a movie I haven’t seen, but I will make you split it with “Into the Wild”. I haven’t seen either but I am more excited for “Into the Wild”. I am certain that I will eventually see both.

The Nominations for Best Original screenplay are:
"Juno" (Fox Searchlight), Written by Diablo Cody
"Lars and the Real Girl" (MGM), Written by Nancy Oliver
"Michael Clayton" (Warner Bros.), Written by Tony Gilroy
"Ratatouille" (Walt Disney), Screenplay by Brad Bird; Story by Jan Pinkava, Jim Capobianco, Brad Bird
"The Savages" (Fox Searchlight), Written by Tamara Jenkins

The Bosco goes to the previews for the new Batman movie, That Dark Knight and the preview for Ironman. Both look stellar.